Mommy and Daddy will be right next to you.
The lights will go down.
There may be some organ music as the curtain opens.
Don't be scared.
It'll be dark in there, you said.
-I don't want to go in. -But it's fun.
All week, you've been so excited.
Your first ever movie.
-And the people are gigantic. -What people?
You said the people in the movie are gigantic.
Oh, because of the big screen they're on,
but they're not real, uh, right?
-They're like dreams. -Dreams are scary.
Some dreams are, but this is gonna be a nice dream.
About a circus and clowns and acrobats and, um...
You want to know how it works?
There's a big machine called a projector.
Inside, there's a big bright light,
and it projects photographs
-of-of clowns and acrobats. -And elephants.
-Uh, "projecting" means it sends them out. -Happy things.
Happy things like light from a huge flashlight.
But these photographs move past the light really fast.
24 photos in every second.
Now, in your brain,
each photograph stays for about a 15th of a second.
That's called persistence of vision.
The photographs move past
faster than your brain can let go of them,
and that's how the movie projector tricks us
into believing that motionless pictures are moving.
A motion picture.
Movies are dreams, doll, that you never forget.
You just wait and see.
When it's over, you're gonna have
the biggest, sloppiest smile on your face.
They're letting us in.
Wait till the engines pass.
Unlock the door.
Pass it down.
-What's that? -Second section.
Angel. She's on that train.
So what? We got the dough. Let's get out of here.
Lights. I must turn the lights down the track.
You crazy lunkhead. Give me that wheel.
We are going to-- down the track!
The train! Stop the train!
Stop the train!
Stop! Can't you see the lights?!
Stop!
First section! Hold it!
Angel! Angel!
What was your favorite part?
Sammy, what do you want for Hanukkah?
I told you this wasn't a good idea,
what with all of his A-N-X-I-E-T-I-E-S.
Kids his age have big I-M-A-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N-S.
No fair spelling out the long words.
The lights change how everything looks.
It's hard to find our house.
Ours is the dark house with no lights.
That's what I want for Hanukkah.
-What? -Christmas lights!
Sorry, dolly.
Jews don't get Christmas lights.
Eight nights of candlelight.
♪ Who could ask for anything more? ♪
Can I sleep with the oscilloscope?
Get going. We got to burn rubber.
-What's that? -Second section.
Angel. She's on that train.
The lights.
I must turn the lights down the track.
Stop the train!
-Angel!
Mommy! Mommy!
I know what I want for Hanukkah!
...Hanukkah!
Thank you!
Sammy.
-Oh, my God. -Whoa.
I'm so excited.
♪ Down by the station early in the morning ♪
♪ See the little pufferbellies all in a row ♪
♪ See the stationmaster pull the little handle ♪
♪ Puff, puff, toot, toot ♪
♪ Off they go ♪
♪ Down by the station early in the morning ♪
♪ See the shiny train cars all in a row ♪
♪ Waiting to get hitched up and go on their adventure ♪
♪ Puff, puff, toot, toot ♪
♪ Off they go. ♪
Okay, so the outside grounds, the middle conducts the power,
and these two metal wheels under the engine
complete the circuit.
So, new, Mr. Engineer?
RCA gave you a raise?
That is one expensive trolley car.
It's not a trolley car. It's a Lionel train.
No raises for the computer guys this year.
Next year, maybe.
Your moonlighting son is paying for it
by filling up my house with broken TVs.
Repair work, that's how.
Oy, careful he doesn't electrocute himself.
-Hold on. -You're okay.
You're not taking that fancy train to Florida without me.
Hey, look.
She's down on the floor.
Who's gonna help her up?
Who says I'm getting up?
I'm going to Miami on the Sammy Limited.
Go ahead.
Ooh.
I precisely engineer toys.
You can play with them
when you've learned to treat them with respect.
I do respect them. I love them.
I know you do, but you can't just love something.
You also have to take care of it, right?
Maybe we can play together with them this weekend.
But I need to see them crash.
I don't understand.
Why does he need to see them crash?
It's late.
You don't want to shut your light?
Mm. In a minute.
I'm still wide-awake.
You see these descending notes?
That's called a lament bass.
You should play it on the radio on that arts program.
-Oh. -They keep asking you to go back.
I don't have time for that. Mm.
Well, we can hire a sitter.
Who can afford that? Forget it.
That was another life.
That was two kids ago.
You know what I miss most about the piano?
Surrendering to the score.
Knowing Bach is gonna tell you how--
First this note, then this chord,
then you open your hand, you stretch down an octave...
Making a little world you can be safe and happy in.
Thank you.
That's why he needs to watch them crash.
He's trying to get some kind of control over it.
Sammy?
We're going to use Daddy's camera to film it.
Only crash the train once, okay?
Then, after we get the film developed,
you can watch it crash over and over
till it's not so scary anymore.
And your real train won't ever get broken.
One more thing, dolly.
Let's not tell your father.
It'll be our secret movie, just yours and mine.
-Okay? -Okay.
Sorry I'm late.
I picked up Ms. Moynahan's Motorola.
There's no room left in the workshop.
-Where should I put it? -The living room, I guess?
Okay.
Hey, uh, sorry I'm late. I picked up Mrs. Fabelman.
Where should I put her?
Ow! Ow, ow, ow.
-Did the mail come? -It's on the table.
Cossack.
-This is brisket? -My movie!
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
After supper.
The amount of magnetism is increased by
how magnetically permeable the core material is.
The tricky thing is how permeable we can make it.
Am I supposed to be following any of this?
You know what a magnetic field is, right?
Uh, yeah. Well, sure. I mean, it...
Sammy, do you know what a magnetic field is?
-Can I be excused? -Nope.
But I need to, just for a minute.
-What's so urgent? -Honey.
This tastes funny, Burt.
It tastes funny on a plastic fork.
-Ma. -Is she saving the silverware
for when the Eisenhowers drop by?
The problem is we're using vacuum tubes,
not transistors, and magnetic cores
-to try to access memory... -35,000 magnetic cores.
Hey, Sam, you know on your father's camera
when the film runs out?
When that happens, what do you do?
-Load more film. -The same with computers.
You have to load more tape, and that slows everything down...
Mitz, the chopped liver was beyond belief.
...load it with data,
and instead of changing tapes every ten seconds,
this new machine he's engineering...
-The BIZMAC! -The BIZMAC!
It can search for information
through all these tapes at once.
You never need to change any of them.
It'll be ten times faster.
I love Burt's brain.
Especially when you're around to explain what's in it.
Mom, I have to go upstairs now.
Not until you've finished eating.
He cleaned his plate.
No, he didn't.
Sammy.
Hey, Natalie, I think there's something under your plate.
-Sammy. -No, there isn't.
Lift it up and check.
I saw it moving.
Licorice.
If there's anything I'm a sucker for,
it's licorice.
Uncle Bennie, that was so disgusting!
-No, no! -Natalie, he is not your uncle.
Also, he is not that funny.
Oh, "uncle" is a term of affection.
Natalie, he's not related.
He's only always here because he works for my son.
He's only always here because he's my best friend.
And deep down inside you, Mrs. Fabelman,
admit it, I'm your friend, too.
Deep down inside of me is none of your business.
Sid Caesar's on tonight.
Help me.
-Natalie, get that corner. -What?
Get the corner. Get the corner.
Can I help you take it out?
Sammy.
I had to crash it a whole lot of times,
-but the train never got hurt. -Golly.
I thought that was The Greatest Show on Earth.
Oh, more, more, more, more, more.
Head back. Open.
-Ah. -Candy corn in.
Say, "Ah."
Head back.
Ketchup. Okay.
Scream like it hurts.
Pull it!
Sammy!
Oh.
Take off the blindfolds.
Sammy?
Reggie, Natalie, come downstairs pronto.
Your father has an announcement.
General Electric wants to hire me
because of what I did on BIZMAC.
They want to use my electronic library system to--
Well, I-I don't think they have any notion
of what I can do with it.
And I'll make more money.
Is Uncle Bennie coming, too?
Well, D-Daddy and me haven't had a chance to think
-about Uncle Bennie, but... -Bennie, no. He lives here.
Burt.
I'll miss your Uncle Bennie, too,
but Phoenix is a real neat city.
It's on the rise.
They've only just hired me. I've got no pull there yet.
I can't ask General Electric
to hire somebody else on my say-so.
-That's not how it works. -Don't ask them.
Do it yourself. They're hiring you to manage.
Managers hire. Hire Bennie.
Uh, who's watching-- Sammy!
He's got to make a name for himself at RCA.
-Come here. Come here. -That's what I did.
He'll stay in New Jersey,
get out from under my shadow and then...
-He needs you, Burt. -There's a tornado outside!
Yeah, well, there's a bigger one in here.
Honestly, honestly, Burt, sometimes I want to shake you.
You're-you're gonna leave him behind with just a-a shrug?
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
"We'll see ya later."
And once we're gone, who will he have left in New Jersey?
You have an opportunity to help your best friend.
-Mommy, look! -Mommy! Mommy!
-Honestly, wake up. -Mom! Mom!
-What?! -Look! There's a tornado outside.
-I'm scared. -Just go.
Wow! Ah!
Oh!
You weren't kidding!
How close is it?
Why does the sky look orange?
Come on!
Come on. Let's go see.
-Get in, get in! -Get in!
Mitz? Where are you going?
Mitz, where are--
Hey!
Where are you going?
Mitz!
Mitzi!
Where is it?
I can't see it anymore.
Up ahead somewhere. We'll find it.
Mom, it's there. It's there!
Is this s-safe?
Of course it's safe. I'm your mother.
Mom, stop!
Everything happens for a reason.
Say it with me.
Everything happens for a reason.
♪ Take me back to dream again ♪
♪ By a campfire on the trail ♪
♪ When day is done ♪
♪ Let me smell that chaparral ♪
I think there's something dead in the road.
♪ Let me join my saddle pals ♪
♪ By a campfire on the trail ♪
♪ When day is done... ♪
Reggie, wave in the camera.
♪ Let me smell that chaparral ♪
♪ Let me join my saddle pals ♪
♪ By a campfire on the trail ♪
♪ When day is done ♪
♪ I'll make my bed and rest ♪
♪ Beneath the western sky ♪
♪ And tell the moon... ♪
-Ooh, look. -There it is!
There it is. Wow.
Whoa!
Let me out. I want to take a shot of him pulling in.
-No! -No, I have to pee now!
Me, too! Now! No!
♪ He and I will always be ♪
♪ By a campfire on the trail... ♪
No! I have to pee!
-Keep coming. -No!
Keep coming, Dad. You're doing great.
And...
Stop.
Freeze.
-Where's the lunch box? -Wow.
Where's the lunch box?! Hurry!
Guys, look at the monster Sammy caught.
I got the babies.
-Sal found babies. -Look at that.
Sammy, Dean, come on.
There's a huge nest right there.
-Come on, guys. -A big one, Sammy.
-Oh, God. -Oh!
It's a whole herd of 'em.
Scorpions come in nests.
No, actually, it's a bed of scorpions.
No, it's a nest.
The baby scorpions are called "scorplings."
They're twice as venomous.
That's-that's why the lab pays more.
There's got to be like 50 of 'em.
Well, how much is the laboratory gonna pay for them?
50 cents per baby.
-That's 25 bucks! -We're rich.
Well, what are we gonna buy?
12 dollars even.
Well, it's the merit badge for photography, not movies.
The manual says you got to tell a story with still pictures.
Yeah, but all a movie is is still pictures.
You just put a bunch of them together and they move.
Okay, but what kind of movie are we making?
Ooh. Sammy, look. It's Janet Benedict.
Hey, go on and talk to her. I dare you.
He already talked to her.
-No way. -Like hell.
No way. He actually spoke to her?
He did. He did. He walked right up to her.
-And he... -You went up to Janet Benedict?
-What did you say to her? -Nothing.
Oh, come on. Tell them what happened, Sammy.
Nothing happened.
Something happened. Come on.
Could be the same one.
"Overland." Say, I think it is the same one.
Well, I declare.
So, uh,
Sammy kind of sidewinds his way in her direction.
And he's trying to, um... he-he's trying to work up
the nerve to say something slick and smooth like,
-"Hey, Jan, baby." -No, I wasn't.
You're making this up.
But-but he sees that Janet's got something on her nose.
So now he's thinking, "Cool.
Here's my excuse to go up and talk to her."
So he goes and he says, "Hey, uh, sorry, Janet.
It-it looks like you have a little smudge on your nose."
-Shut up, Hark. -But it wasn't a smudge.
-It looked like a smudge. -And it wasn't little.
Hark, shut up!
It was a booger!
A big, fat,
Janet Benedict booger.
It was huge.
Hey, Sammy.
Stand and deliver.
What kind of movie are we gonna make?
Stand and deliver.
No, keep screaming. Keep screaming.
I need more dust. Dad, can you grab the sandwich board?
No, no. God, no, no more dust. No.
Reggie, stop coughing!
-I'm coughing because there's dust. -Okay.
-More dust, fellas. -Natalie, say, "Please don't kill me."
-All right. -Reggie, stop coughing.
You're being dramatic.
Mr. Fabelman, you're getting dirt inside my stagecoach.
Don't you want me to be dramatic?
-Don't look into the camera. -Well, we'll clean it out.
Guys, stop looking into the camera.
-I can't use any of this. -Dad!
Fake.
Totally fake.
You hear it?
She has got to cut those goddamn fingernails
before she goes on live television.
I have to perform this tomorrow.
It's a difficult piece.
It's a very big deal for me.
All I asked was for you to keep your big traps shut
and listen to my dress rehearsal.
Sorry, Mitz. It's wonderful.
You hear how the rising arpeggios
lift up the sad notes?
It's in F minor, but your mom makes it sound so alive.
She makes it sound like she's playing a typewriter.
Oh, no.
Not this again.
Do you hear it? Am I clicking?
I concentrate on your playing, but...
Bu-- Oh, great. But what?
But people can hear it in Tucson.
Maybe I've gotten used to it.
Maybe GE should make
rubber tips for fingernails.
All right, Mitzi Fabelman.
Time to face the music.
Oh, boy.
You stay away from me with those things.
-It's Beethoven, damn it. -No, no, no!
-It is not Morse code. Come on. -No! Stop! Stop! Stop it!
He has a point, though, especially with
the polydirectional ribbon microphones
they have on television stage...
Come on. You married her.
Dad, don't.
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it!
I will scratch you. Don't think I won't!
Do you think Arthur Rubinstein
had fingernails?
-Horowitz? Schnabel? -Do not think about it.
-Kempff? -No, no, no.
-Liberace. -No, no, no, no.
-Not my nails. -Come on, Fabelman.
Show her who's General Electric's
-product design manager. -No, my beautiful nails.
I paid a buck 50 at the beauty parlor for these.
Oh, no.
One, two, three.
Get off of me, Delilah.
-Delilah? -Okay, the fun's over.
I'll do the rest myself.
Oh.
Oh, great.
Just great. Well, that decides it.
I'm gonna play the program from memory tomorrow.
No sheet music, short nails, like a real performing artist.
Did you drop your gun?
Come on.
That's me.
Real scary, Sheriff.
Whoa.
H-How'd you do that?
How'd you do that?
Whoa!
Go, Sammy!
It's kind of like what I do, isn't it,
what a movie director does?
-It is? -I figure out
what my division needs to accomplish,
then I work out how my guys are gonna get it done.
Yeah, it is. Yeah, sort of.
How'd you make it look like the guns were really firing?
I did it with pins.
Pins.
Yeah, I poked holes in the film with pins.
-Sammy. -Yeah.
Thinking like an engineer.
Watch the road, Dad.
Sammy, watch the road.
I can't edit without an editing machine.
I have to be able to cut and splice, and I...
Let's revisit it after the camping trip.
It's three hours to the national forest.
If you get your license, you can help with the driving.
Okay.
"You are approaching a railroad crossing
"with no warning devices and limited visibility.
The speed limit is..."
See, the thing is, though, about my new movie,
is that it's just...
It's about World War II, your war.
It's gonna be, like, out of this world.
I'm shooting on a Bolex H8.
Finally, I can use double run film.
You know, that's six minutes
without having to change the reel.
How much did you spend to rent this camera?
20 bucks. But I used my own money.
You don't have to...
And this movie editor gizmo costs?
It's a Mansfield eight millimeter movie editor.
How much?
-80 bucks. -Doggone it, Sammy!
A hundred dollars for a hobby?
It's not a hobby, Dad.
If you spent half the time on algebra that you spend on
-these movies, you could get... -Algebra? I hate algebra.
Why are you...
It's completely pointless.
Not if you want to make something, it's not pointless.
Gee, Sammy, when I was a boy, I always used to think,
-"Somebody figured out how to make this." -Yeah.
-This car... -Uh-huh.
...that rearview mirror, that directional signal.
I want to make movies, though.
I mean something real.
Not imaginary.
Something someone can actually use.
Like a driver's license.
I'm gonna vomit, Sammy! I'm gonna vomit!
Sammy, please pull over.
She's gonna puke all over me.
--Go slower. You are the worst driver.
You're gonna break the car.
We're on a back road going three miles per hour.
-Calm down. -You're doing great, doll.
You're doing very well.
Okay, watch out. Puddle up ahead.
So we've got three
that are strong and still green inside, so they don't burn.
Bright green means that they're still alive
and that they carry moisture.
And the reason that we use the shape of the triangle
is that when these three points connect,
if we find the center of gravitational force,
it creates almost perfect balance.
-Whew. Oh. -Because I'm Tutti, and you're Frutti.
So who else are you gonna listen to?
♪ A wop bop b-luma, b-lop bam bom. ♪
Okay.
...the pyramids, right?
-Guys, come on! -I mean, the history
behind this shape...
-Ah. Oh! -...is pretty in--
is pretty incredible.
Oh, hello!
-Uh... -Hi!
Wait. Let me try it...
-Let me try it like this. -Okay, one more time.
-Yeah, after one more time. -Okay.
-Ready? -Hey.
Girls, I'm gonna start the fire!
-Three, two, one! -Okay. Really big, really big!
Go! Whoa!
I thought it was gonna break.
Oh. It's-it's happening!
You almost broke it in half.
♪ Kleenex-ica, Windex-ica ♪
♪ She's sexy-ca, oh, boy ♪
♪ Pneumonia, dyslexia, leukemia ♪
♪ Oy, oy, oy, oy ♪
♪ Ah, Leningrad, then Petrograd ♪
♪ I'm sorry, Dad, I lied, I snatched the keys ♪
♪ And stole the car and took it for a ride ♪
♪ You take it back ♪
-♪ You're giving me a... ♪ -Heart attack!
We'll take a schvitz and have a...
-Shmitz. -And eat some...
Schnitzelpitz.
-And drink slivovitz. -And we'll lose our wits.
-And we'll get the shits! -And have...
Whoa!
♪ We live in Arizon-ia ♪
-♪ Where nothing can be grown-ia ♪ -Wait.
♪ The land is dry and stony-a ♪
-♪ And we can eat bologn-ia ♪ -Exactly!
♪ Hyen-ica, hyen-ica, hyen-ica, hiya ♪
♪ Hyena, eat some pita, eat some pita ♪
♪ Hyena, eat some pizza, eat some pita... ♪
They're gonna know that kind of FPU
is not for industrial process control,
and it will raise every red flag there is.
-How many bits? -Float64.
64 bits?
Sixty-- You are nuts.
And time-sharing for 11 operators?
They're gonna know this is a business machine
we're building, and we're all gonna get fired.
No.
Yes!
GE doesn't build business computers.
We do heavy industry processing.
You got that straight from the CEO.
Ralph Cordiner is gonna skin you alive.
Once Bank of America buys in, this will be profitable,
and that's Mr. Cordiner's job, making money.
My job is getting Raytheon
to deliver 10,000 germanium transistors
that meet our tolerance standards.
And your job is to get the cabling diagrams
to Pitney Bowes so when the time comes,
we have a sorter to hook up to the mainframe.
Well, maybe Pitney Bowes will hire me
after you get us both canned from GE.
Isn't it worth getting canned
for the chance to build a machine that can do all that?
It's worth it to you, maybe!
Sure as the Lord made little green apples,
California, here you come.
IBM is waiting.
Are we moving to California?
-You are, any day now. -No, no, no.
What?
IBM's asking, and that's flattering, but...
-Flattering? -Flattering!
Every guy in computer would give his matzo balls
to get an offer.
You'll be in California
building double-precision auxiliary units with an FP64.
I'm gonna be left schvitzing in Arizona
-making 40-watt light bulbs. -Hold your horses.
-Congruence? Come on. -I told your mom it'll be up to her.
I'm not uprooting us again unless she says yes.
Why would Mamaleh ever leave all of this for California?
We have the Grand Canyon.
They have the San Andreas Fault.
Mamaleh says...
I will never leave Arizona,
and Arizona will never leave me.
Kids, avert your eyes.
-Hey, man. -Hmm?
-Shouldn't you be filming this? -Not enough light.
GE, living better electrically!
Mom?
Mom, everyone can see through your dress. Um...
Reggie, get out of the way.
Dad, can you please stop this?
-Come. Sit. -No.
Bennie, don't look!
Oh! You're all nuts!
My mama's such a good mama.
I love you so much.
I'm right here.
I'm right here with you.
I'm holding your hand.
Can you feel that, Mama?
I just gave you a squeeze.
I love you, Mama.
Ma.
Mommy?
She opened her eyes.
Nurse.
Mommy, I'm here. Here. I'm right here.
I'm right here, Mama.
Mommy, look at me.
Mommy, can you hear?
Oh.
Oh, oh...
It's a Mansfield eight millimeter movie editor.
That's what you wanted, right?
Oh, my God.
Uh, now I need a favor in return.
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
Here's the favor.
Yeah.
I want you to make a camping trip movie.
Uh, you can learn
how the editing machine works while you do this.
It'll make your mom feel better.
Yeah.
That last night when she danced in the headlights,
that'd be great.
Get to it tomorrow, okay?
Um, tomorrow's when we start shooting.
Escape to Nowhere.
We're shooting all weekend, Dad.
-I can't. -Shoot it next weekend.
We've got like 40 guys coming to be in the movie.
I'll-I'll w-work on all the camping trip stuff on Monday.
I'm asking you to do this now for your mom. She's...
Yeah, and I said that I will, just not tomorrow, please.
Don't be selfish. She just lost her mother.
That's more important than your hobby.
Dad, can you stop calling it a hobby?
It'll cheer her up, watching this.
-It's something we can do to... -Her mom just died.
How is that gonna cheer her up?
Because you made it for her.
Uh, something's not right.
I don't know what else to do.
Can you help me?
Hello.
Mitzi. Mitzi.
Mama?
Somebody's coming.
Mama?
M-Mama. What...
-Mama. Mam... -You mustn't let him in.
-Mama, I-I can't hear you.
I am scared.
You mustn't let him in the house.
Mama, please. I...
Do not let him in.
-Do not let him in the house. -What? No, I can't--
Wh-Who's coming?
Don't open the door.
Mama.
Mommy, don't go.
Don't go yet.
You're having a bad dream.
This is a lot of food, Mom.
Well, I'm upset.
Oh, my God. That crazy dream.
I can't get it out of my head.
Uh, last night, I dreamed I got a call from my mama.
And she wanted to warn me.
-That's silly. Grandma died. -About what?
Well, something's coming.
She wants me to batten down the hatches.
We're never going to be able to eat all of this.
Who is that?
It's Uncle Boris.
Hmm?
Uncle who?
Mom?
That's who she meant!
My-- That's my-my mama's brother!
Oh, he scared the crap out of her when they were kids!
Don't let him in!
You were in the circus?
Mama said you were the lion tamer.
No, not at first.
At first, it was, "Podgorny, pound in the tent pegs.
Podgorny, muck out the pachyderms."
And then, one night, the big cat act,
he comes down with the flu bug, so it was, uh,
"Boris Podgorny, in with the lions."
He's lying, right?
-No, he's telling you a story. -Know what it's like, huh?
Pain in the ass, sisters.
-That's rude. -He said "ass"!
I know.
But when did you start working in the movies?
1927.
1927-- that was The Jazz Singer.
That's the year that talkies started.
Yeah, sure, talkies. But me, no.
I started with, um, Uncle Tom's Cabin.
Not a talkie.
It was Harry Pollard.
He acted for Selig Polyscope.
He, uh, married Maggie what's-her-name.
-Mm-hmm. -He directed Uncle Tom.
Lift up your plate.
So, Pollard needed help with the bloodhounds.
So, my pal Fleischaker was a big name in dog acts.
Poodles, mainly.
But, "Sure," Fleischaker says to Pollard.
"Yeah. Bloodhounds, poodles, what's the difference?"
Ooh.
So, he went.
But, uh, by this time, uh, Fleischaker,
he had it up to here with the Jew-haters.
There was a lot of that kind in the circuses.
Not many Jews, lots of Jew-haters.
-Right. -But the movies...
Oy vavoy!
Fleischaker writes to me, "Boris," he writes.
"Boris," he writes,
"Hollywood is heimish, heimishe.
I'm in a minyan with Douglas Fairbanks and Ricardo Cortez."
-Whoa. -"Come to Hollywood."
So, I went.
Your wife, she don't like doing the dishes?
Uh, piano hands.
Ah, fershteyn.
So, you like the movies, huh, Mr. Pitselshas?
Okay, so the sergeant, he comes over the hill here,
and I'm gonna go below him, so we see him and the sky.
And so we don't see what he sees,
but we do see that he's really--
Okay, so he's, like, almost losing his mind, right?
-Mm-hmm. -'Cause what he is seeing is totally terrible.
And then, I'm gonna turn the camera so that we see it.
It's just in another notebook. Hang on.
If that's the movie, uh...
you could show me instead of describing me to death.
No, that's just our stupid camping trip.
My dad's...
He wants me to put this camping film together
so it'll cheer up Mom.
Because her heart is broken.
Because her mama iz toyt.
But you, Mr. Director, you don't want to do this,
what your daddy tells you,
because you want to make your war picture, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Believe me, Sammy boy, I get it.
Family, art.
It'll tear you in two.
You hear that?
Oh, yeah. My mom's practicing. She's always...
Sha. You talk too much. Listen.
When she was a kid, already she played like that.
She should have been a concert piano player.
Little Rubinstein, she was.
She could have played...
You name it, she could have played there.
And she...
Once, I visited her and Tina and Menashe in Cincinnati,
and she says to me she wants to be a great piano artist.
But she didn't do it.
Yeah, she's really good. You know, she played on TV.
TV? Feh!
She could have played at Musikverein in Vienna.
You see, what she got in her heart
is what you got, what I got.
Art.
Like me. Like you, I think.
We're junkies, and art is our drug.
Family, we love.
But art, we're meshuga for art.
You think I wanted to leave my sisters, my mama and my papa,
and go stick my stupid head in the mouth of lions?
Put-Putting your head in-in a lion's mouth is art?
No. Sticking your head in the mouths of lions was balls.
Making sure the lion don't eat my head, that is art.
You see, Tini, she didn't say to Mitzi,
"Go do what you gotta."
I mean, she was a good person, my sister, but she was scared.
Scared for your mother.
-She should have safety in the family. -Uh...
So Mitzi, she gave it all up.
Ow! Wh...
I want you should remember how that hurt.
Because when they say all this, when they say, "What you do?
"Oh, that's cute. It's a hobby.
It's like stamps or butterfly collecting,"
you feel your face, how it feels now.
Yeah, you almost pulled it off.
So you remember your Uncle Boris
and what he's telling you.
Because you're going to join the circus, I can tell.
You can't hardly wait.
You want to be in the big top.
You'll shovel elephant shit until they say,
"Okay, Sammy, now ride the goddamn elephant."
Oh, you love those people, huh?
Your sisters, your mama, your papa. Except...
Except this.
This, I think you love a little more.
No, I don't.
Yeah.
Oh, hey. Run all you want, boychick,
but you know I ain't whistling Dixie here.
You'll make your movies, and you will do your art.
And you'll remember how it hurt.
So you know what I'm saying?
Art will give you crowns in heaven and laurels on earth.
But...
it'll tear your heart out and leave you lonely.
You'll be a shanda for your loved ones.
An exile in the desert.
A gypsy.
Art is no game.
Art is dangerous as a lion's mouth.
It'll bite your head off.
Look at me.
Is it a wonder that Tini, she wanted nothing to do with me?
With me, with--
Oh, Tini.
Oh, Tini! Oh, Tini.
I...
Stop, stop! Stop it!
What, you never saw nobody grieving before?
Let's go to sleep, bubbala.
Uh, you can sleep in the bed. I have my sleeping bag.
I'm sitting shiva for my sister.
I sleep on the floor.
Y-You want to sleep on the floor, too?
She was your grandma.
Tear your clothes. Sleep on the floor.
Good night.
-Say "bye-bye." -Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
I don't know what Mama was so worried about.
It was a nice visit.
Yuck.
Whoa!
Oh!
Aw.
This is the life.
Only you can prevent forest fires.
Mm.
Oh.
It's so beautiful, what you made, dolly.
You really see me.
Hey, man. How about that, huh?
Hey, Sammy, that was real neat.
Die, Amerikaner!
Move! Move! Fall backwards!
Whoa!
Attacke!
Ah! Cover!
Krauts, they're everywhere!
There's too many of them!
Turn.
Cut!
Great. Now, um...
Okay, come here. Come here.
Um, you're standing here a minute,
looking down at what just happened.
-A whole minute? -I'll give you a signal
when I want you to start to move, okay? So you're just...
Like, you mean I should count to 60?
-What? No. No, no, no, no. -Like, one Mississippi,
two Mississippi, and then move?
Don't-don't count to 60.
You just got to...
S-S-So... So you're all like-like-like,
"Oh, my God."
Like, "All my men, they're all...
they're all dead. All my men, they're-they're..."
So you want me to, like, act and stuff.
Well... yeah.
-Like I'm-I'm sort of sad or something? -Right.
-Um, that's the whole point. -'Cause my whole platoon...
R-Right, right. Your platoon.
Your... Your men!
They've been wiped out.
These guys, they're your family.
Your family's being,
like, murdered,
and it's your fault.
You did this to them, and you...
I-I thought it was the Nazis that...
Okay, yeah, but it was you who gave the order
to go down into the Valley of Death.
-Okay? You decided. -Mm-hmm.
Nobody else. You could've...
Mm-hmm.
You could've protected them. Okay?
'Cause they trusted you, and they loved you.
Mm-hmm.
Now you're just looking at this...
...at this thing that you've done,
and... you can't save them anymore.
Because they're all dead.
-Wow, that's, uh... -Yeah.
...real gung ho.
Okay. Okay.
-You good? -Lock and load.
Yeah. Yeah. Lock and load. All right.
Good.
Uh, Sammy?
How far are you gonna let him walk?
Cut!
Hey, that's a cut, Angelo!
-Angelo! -Angelo!
Come back! Come back!
-He said, "Cut!" -Angelo, hey! -Angelo!
Bravo!
Sammy!
Oh, dolly!
You're not a civilian anymore.
That movie, my God.
It was...
Hi, Mrs. Fabelman.
Mr. DeMille.
Come here.
-Hey, there he is. -Congratulations, young man.
-Congratulations. -Hey. Hey, hey.
I guess you based it on your dad's war stories, huh?
Sort of. You know, but he doesn't like
-to talk about it, so... -No, I understand.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Dad, Mom's getting a ride with Bennie.
She'll see us at home.
Hey, that last scene with the...
Why do you like blood so much?
And are you ever gonna make a movie
with parts for girls again?
-Yeah. -Make a career...
-What? -With girls, you know, like,
because all the men stare off into the distance all the time,
maybe a girl could save the day.
Okay, what are the five steps to save a drowning person?
All right, one is you swim behind the person
so they don't grab you.
Two, you throw your arm across his chest.
-Or her chest. -Three.
Not Sammy. He's too scared of girls' boobies.
--Three, you swim on your back with the victim
on your chest, using your free arm to paddle yourself.
And speaking of boobies, if you ever get any,
we'll have a party. Um...
And at the party, we'll give her the booby prize.
Ha-ha. What's four?
Um...
Crap.
Bring the victim to land, dummy.
-Mm. -Then five?
Call the undertaker.
This is serious business.
I got to know all of this to get the lifesaving merit badge.
More kids die in swimming accidents
than in any other kind of accident.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Not everything is a big joke.
Okay, okay. So what's step number five?
It's just-- You laugh at everything,
even when nothing's funny.
You always have to be the center of attention.
Eat. And don't talk with your mouth full.
I'm not eating this crud before a swimming test.
You can get cramps in the water if you eat before,
and you can drown from getting cramps!
Stop shouting at her!
Sammy Fabelman, goddamn it!
For weeks now,
it has been nothing but disrespect from you!
Disrespect?!
Why are you being such a little shit to me?!
Damn it to hell, I am your mother!
I wish you weren't!
Oh. Let me see.
Oh, my God.
Oh, what have I done?
Talk to me.
Oh, Sammy, please talk to me.
Tell me what's happening.
Do you have any idea how much I love you?
Don't go.
Mom.
I won't tell.
I won't tell. I won't.
I won't tell.
I won't.
Sure about this?
Mm-hmm.
There you go. Bought and paid for.
Oh. Just a second. It's in the back.
Stocking up on Kodak before the big move?
N-No, I'm...
Smart. Film's cheaper here than in California.
I bet everything's more expensive there.
You're losing your steadiest customer.
Him and his whole family, they're moving west.
He just sold me his camera.
Oh, yeah? How come?
Says he's finished.
Sorry about the wait, Mr. Loewy.
We had to order it special.
You bought a camera?
It's for you!
I know how much you loved using it for your war picture,
so I figured you ought to have one of your own.
It's, um, a "bon voyage," "see you later, alligator,"
"I believe in you" present from your uncle Bennie.
Because it's from me?
This move? Huh?
This is your dad's glory-hallelujah moment.
And, oy vavoy, Sammy, does that guy ever deserve it.
All the way back when, back at RCA,
he knew what computing was gonna be about
before practically anybody else knew it.
And IBM?
That's where guys like Burt are figuring out
how to use what he's made to...
They're gonna change the whole goddamn world,
so this was the right decision.
For all sorts of reasons.
Yeah, so I'm happy for you.
You know I am.
But I'm gonna miss you.
All of you, a lot.
You think whatever bad things you want about me, kiddo,
but you stop making movies,
it'll break your mother's heart.
You will break her heart, I mean it.
She doesn't deserve that, not from anybody,
least of all from you.
I'll give you 35 bucks for it.
You drive a hard bargain, kid.
I'm still done making movies, though.
Everybody makes movies in California.
Hey!
Keep the change.
♪ I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still ♪
♪ Da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron ♪
♪ Somebody told me that his name was Bill ♪
♪ Da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron... ♪
When will the new house be finished?
A few months, in the spring.
Can I have my own room?
Everybody gets their own room.
-Yay! -Yes!
I just remembered, last night, I had a funny dream.
What was it?
I-I can't believe I dreamed this.
Uh, uh, uh, Bennie and me were having an argument,
and I hauled off and socked him right in the nose.
♪ Yes, my oh my ♪
♪ And when he walked me home ♪
♪ Da doo ron ron ron, da... ♪
What's wrong?
Is Mommy carsick?
Let's just give her a little time.
Bennie and me, we never...
we never...
I would never let it get as far as I imagine you think.
Oh, I never imagined any of that.
You think Dad knows?
I don't... I don't mean...
I don't mean, "Did you tell him?"
I know you didn't.
But...
But you think he has an inkling?
I've almost told him so many times.
I'll say, "Burt, there's something
I've got to tell you."
Then he looks at me like he can't conceive
that anything could be wrong between us,
so instead, I say, "Burt, we got ants."
Or, "Burt, could you climb on the roof
and turn the antenna so I can watch channel 5?"
Which, of course, he does.
I can't fight with your father.
He kills with such kindness.
I'm mean to him, he buys me a dress.
From Saks.
Mom, when I showed you what I filmed,
I never meant for any of this to happen.
Oh... mmm.
Guilt is a wasted emotion.
Hmm.
What's gonna happen now?
I'm gonna be your mom.
I'm gonna be the girls' mom.
Despite my countless faults,
I'm not ruining everything for everyone.
I'm gonna not be selfish.
Burt Fabelman is the kindest, smartest, wisest,
most patient, most decent,
most understanding man there is,
and I'm gonna stay married to him.
It's only a rental.
The new house will be ready
faster than you can say "Jack Robinson."
Jack Robinson.
And we're still here.
Just tell me if you're going to mope
for the rest of your life
or if it's something you plan to outgrow.
Bug off.
You're, like, going for the misery merit badge,
you and Mom with your long faces.
She can't even get out of bed to make breakfast and...
Okay, new rule, guys.
Um, when we walk to school in the morning,
let's just leave all the Fabelman mishegoss
behind us in the Fabelmans' moldy old rental house.
So, for eight hours a day, let's be normal kids
in an ordinary, normal school, okay?
Some glue on your hand or something.
-Too easy. -That's what I'm telling you.
It's like we got parachuted
into the land of the giant sequoia people.
All right.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Up over! Nice dig.
Atta Johnson.
-I got it. I got it. -Get it up. Get it up.
-Oh! -Set, set, set, set.
-Hit it. -Take it.
I got it.
Way to get up!
Nice.
Nice. Attababy, Logan.
Do it again. Go again.
Come on, boys.
Good work, guys.
Keep the intensity. Keep moving.
Rotate. Nice, Jake.
Good job, Chris.
Fabelman, it won't hurt you.
It's a volleyball, not a cannonball.
Okay. Let's go. Serve.
Go!
Attababy!
That's good reactions.
Let's move. Let's...
Oh, my God, I am so sorry. I didn't... Oh, my...
I'm gonna murder you, you piece of shit!
Hey, Chad.
Cool it.
I am... I did not mean to do that.
-Are you okay? I'm... -That really hurt, asshole.
Watch your mouth, Logan.
Go fetch the ball.
Sure, yeah.
-Let's go. -Mm-hmm.
Hey, new kid.
What's your name?
Sam.
Sam what?
Fabelman.
Told you he's a kike.
He doesn't like Jews.
Nobody likes Jews.
Except other Jews, right?
So, Bagelman...
No, that's not my name.
-Don't call me that. -So...
you gave my best friend a concussion, Bagelman.
-No, I didn't. Leave me alone. -Hey.
Don't argue with me.
A serious concussion.
So, how do we make you pay?
How about this? We...
You're drinking from the fountain.
You never hear me come up from behind you, and bam!
I shatter your front teeth all over the spigot.
Hey, look at me.
He's demented, like, medically.
So watch out for yourself.
Close the door!
-Mom got a monkey. -Why'd you get a monkey?
'Cause I needed to laugh.
Oh, help me with this.
The directions don't make any sense.
Careful. Careful.
Get down!
I'll get a banana.
Save the curtains. They're rented.
Oh.
Uh, hello.
Who are you?
He's mine.
What are we gonna call him?
Bennie. His name's Bennie.
I don't want to see a psychiatrist, Burt.
You're scaring the kids.
You're sleeping all day.
I miss the desert.
I miss dry heat.
You haven't even unwrapped the piano.
You aren't cooking or shopping or unpacking.
Psychiatrists help you know
why you're feeling something.
They can't help you feel something different.
You're behaving like when your mother died,
like you're in mourning, but nobody's died.
Okay.
So I'll call the monkey some other name.
IBM's out of his league, Mitz.
Bennie was... He...
is my best friend.
But they don't need him.
This is what I know.
I don't need him, either.
Bennie wasn't your friend.
But you knew he was mine.
What does that mean?
Logan, I'm really, really missing you.
Hey!
Who's there?
Bagelman, yo.
I left you a little snack in your locker.
Did you like it?
Guess he wasn't hungry.
Uh, he said... he said it was...
-What'd you call it, Chad? -Kosher.
-Knock it off, moron!
We talked about this.
All right.
Come on. We'll be late for practice.
So, what is this? Are you Jewish?
Well...
Holy crap. He's got the hots so bad,
he can't even talk to her.
No, I don't.
Apologize to her.
For what?
For making goo-goo eyes at her, for drooling at her.
I wasn't drooling at her.
Then apologize to her for killing Christ.
Why are you encouraging him?
Go on.
Apologize to her for killing our Lord.
Ugh. Don't go.
-Come watch me run. -No, thanks.
-I'm not in the mood now. -Oh, please.
I run better when you are there.
Apologize to her, you Christ-killing son of a bitch!
I'm going home.
Go on and say sorry.
You're getting me in trouble with my girl.
You know, obviously, since I'm not 2,000 years old
and have never been to Rome, I'm not apologizing.
But hey, you know, maybe, uh, your boyfriend should
apologize to you for making out in the stairwell
half an hour ago with some redhead.
He-he's lying. He's... I-I didn't do that.
I swear.
You told me you were finished with her.
Logan, you lied to me!
Claudia.
Whoa...
You made a mistake. Listen to me.
You made a mistake.
-You're gonna fix it. -Bash his head in!
Shut up, Chad, goddamn it!
Tomorrow, you're gonna find her first thing,
and you're gonna tell her you were lying.
Say-say you were, um, scared.
Say-say whatever you got to say, but you tell her
it wasn't true and you did not see me doing that.
Or I swear, I will hurt you
worse than you've ever been hurt.
You get me?
Nod to show you dig what I'm saying.
He won't tell me who did this.
Ask him who did this.
Tell your father who did this, and he will drive
to that little shit's house, and he will beat
-the living crap out of him. -Is your nose broken?
No, of course it's not broken. You think I'd be sitting here
-if his nose was broken? -Who hit you?
What do you care who it was?
It's not like you'll do anything about it.
Tell me what happened first.
What happened is I hate it here,
and what happened is you brought us here because...
Because I got a better job, so we moved.
You don't even care where you are.
You get to go to work, and that could be in Iceland.
You're working with your goddamn machines,
so you get to be happy while the rest of us are mis...
-Just, come on. -Don't.
Well, but you-you're bleeding on the carpet.
It's a rental house.
Do you even notice how much we hate it here,
where we're practically the only Jewish people for miles
and everything is awful?
Do you even care that this is your fault--
everything that's happening now--
just because you ran away from home
and took all of us with you?!
I came here so I could work ten times harder
with ten times the responsibility,
which seems to have escaped everybody,
s-so I could build us a nice home and...
Could everyone settle? I want to say something.
No, no. You didn't come here to build houses.
You didn't come here to work. You ran away.
I think you have something to say to me, Sammy!
And if I'm right about that,
then get it off your chest and say it to my face!
I started therapy.
Anyways,
what I really wanted to say is that,
about yesterday, what I told you was...
it wasn't true, and I lied,
and I'm sorry.
But why?
-What did I ever do to you? -Oh, no, no.
-It wasn't about you. -Because that, like, really,
-really wasn't cool, you know? -No, I didn't mean to hurt...
-I didn't mean to hurt you. -Because I really love Logan.
Yeah, she cried herself to sleep
thinking he cheated on her.
You ought to be more considerate
of other people's feelings.
Okay, but Logan told me to say I killed Christ.
-That wasn't Logan. -What?
-That was Chad. -Why would he do that?
Logan laughed. He thought it was hilarious.
He's Jewish.
You don't say.
Yeah, I mean, since the day I was circumcised.
So, how'd you know she was a redhead?
-Oh, my God. -Hmm?
He was making out with Renee Reynolds?
-If you were lying... -Mm-hmm?
...how'd you know her hair color?
Uh...
Does it hurt?
So, you don't believe in Jesus?
Monica's, like, totally hot on Jesus.
I can't imagine my life without him.
Well, we've managed for like 5,000 years,
so I guess it's possible.
Maybe we could...
I don't know, get together and pray on it.
What, like, you and me?
We can ask him to come into your heart
and, you know, see what happens.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
I mean...
What? Like, that would be, like, when? Like, today?
It's a lot, huh?
It's sort of a shrine almost.
A shrine to guys.
L-Lots of guys.
They're sexy.
I guess.
I mean, not Jesus.
Jesus is sexy.
Isn't that, like, a sin or something?
I don't know.
He came to us as a man.
A handsome young man.
He could've come as a girl or an old man
or someone with leprosy, but...
Nobody knows what he really looked like.
Probably, he looked like you.
Oh, because... because he was...
Jewish.
A handsome Jewish boy.
Just like you.
Let's pray.
Close your eyes.
Lord, I'm here with my friend Sammy...
Sam.
I'm here with my good friend Sam,
who's Jewish, and he's a nice boy.
Lord Jesus, he's good and brave,
and he's funny, Lord, and...
and I like him.
Relax.
Ask.
Ask him to come into you.
Ask him to enter you.
Um...
hi there, Jesus.
It's me, Sam Fabelman.
If you're real, show me
-a sign or something, and... -No, wait. You can't...
You can't ask Jesus to do tricks to impress you.
You have to be humble.
You have to beg him to. I'll do it.
I'm gonna beg the Holy Spirit to come into me.
I'm gonna draw the Spirit in with my breath.
Spirit, come into me!
Please, Holy Spirit!
I'm begging you, sweet Holy Father,
for the sake of my friend Sammy.
Sam.
Come into us, Jesus!
Hear our prayer!
Open your mouth.
Open your mouth and take the spirit of Christ into you.
Monica, Sammy, I made snacks.
We're coming!
-Oh... -Tomorrow after school,
want to meet out back behind the bleachers?
-Yeah. -Cool.
We can pray some more.
When I was a girl and I felt sad,
I'd go to the zoo and I'd watch the monkeys.
They made you laugh?
Yeah, yeah, the monkeyshines.
Oh, but there was more to it than that.
It was...
They understand what we've done to them,
with the cages and the people pointing.
We share that with them,
the truth of how cruel people are.
But if you watch them for long enough,
you can tell they know stuff we can't begin to imagine.
Important stuff.
And they're not gonna let us in on it
'cause it belongs to them.
It's their own monkey business.
Theirs. It's not ours. It's...
Oh, I don't know.
Self-possession.
Right.
They belong to themselves.
If it belongs to itself,
let it go back to where it came from.
Anyway, that's how come I got a monkey.
And a therapist.
He throws his poop.
The therapist?
No, the monkey.
That's why I'm staying in a hotel.
You don't have to. We have plenty of room.
My rabbi in New Jersey says
a monkey in the house isn't kosher.
That's why we're not going to eat him.
Did you schedule him for his polio vaccine?
-They can get polio? -Pass the peas.
Well, they're susceptible to pretty much everything
-humans are, so yes. -He hates going to the vet.
You see, Monica, in this family,
it's the scientists versus the artists.
Sammy's on my team.
Takes after me, except he's got real talent.
Mom.
And he's completely terrible at science.
Mm. And algebra.
And sports.
-Will you please stop? -He showed me his camera.
Is he good at kissing?
-I'll tell you later. -Shut up!
-He sleeps with a camera under his pillow. -No, I don't.
But he refuses to actually shoot anything.
He should shoot Ditch Day.
-Mm. Mm-mm. -They still don't have a photographer.
-You could volunteer. -What's Ditch Day?
It doesn't matter. I'm not going.
Something seniors get to do at the end of the year.
They let us pretend like we're ditching school,
and we all take buses to Santa Cruz Main Beach.
You have to go! Everyone goes.
My dad will lend you his camera.
It's super fancy.
Costs like a thousand dollars.
It's called, like, a... an "Air" something. I forget.
-Wait, not an Arriflex. -Right.
Your dad owns a 16 millimeter Arriflex?
Wow. Wow, okay. So, 16 millimeter on stock...
See, usually it's the teacher who shoots the Ditch Day movie,
-and it's a big joke. -That's two minutes, 45 seconds a roll.
At ten bucks a roll, for a whole day, that would be,
-like, insanely expensive. -I owe you a graduation check.
My dad will get the school to pay for it.
And I need to rent a 16 millimeter editing machine,
and I have no idea how much that costs,
-so it's not gonna work. -My dad will rent one for you.
Uh, we can rent it, whatever it costs, right?
Burt.
Uh, what's wrong with your Bolex?
You could afford to be a little encouraging.
About what?
About him making movies again.
Well, I didn't say that. I'm just talking...
-Maybe he's moved on. -On from what?
He hasn't picked up his camera once since we got here.
He'll be going to college this September.
Maybe his feelings about it have changed.
He's growing up. I'm enthusiastic about that.
Filming is what he loves.
-I don't think him... -Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.
Guys, can we please just stop talking about me?
I'd think that you, more than anyone,
should have some understanding of what a...
Let's go to your place or something.
Maybe your dad can show me the camera.
-...a vocation, a-a calling is. -All right. All right.
We'll rent him the equipment.
He hates the beach.
That's why he doesn't want to go to Ditch Day.
But it's not your calling.
Is that why you can't, uh, respect it?
I have respect for everything
-he works hard doing. -He's afraid.
He's scared if he does, those guys will beat him up again.
What? No, I'm not. I never said that I was scared of them.
-You don't, though. -You got beat up?
You always dismiss what he does, what anyone does,
that's playful or imaginative as a pastime or a hobby.
You already won, Mitz.
I surrendered. I'm not taking the bait.
Can you guys please just cut it out?
-Oh, who's baiting who? -You're embarrassing me.
I said I'd take him for his polio shot the first five times
-you asked me, didn't I? -Well, you say you will,
but I guess you don't mean it, so I ask again
-and again and again. -He's scared of shots.
He's scared of the doctor.
I am taking the goddamn monkey to the vet, okay?
Probably needs a tranquilizer
with all this yelling.
Can you ask your dad about borrowing the camera?
He'll say yes.
Thank you.
I'm filming Ditch Day.
I think it's a great idea.
♪ Goodbye, cruel world ♪
♪ Oh, goodbye, cruel world ♪
♪ I'm off to join the circus ♪
♪ Gonna be a brokenhearted clown ♪
♪ Paint my face with a good-for-nothin' smile ♪
♪ 'Cause a mean, fickle woman ♪
♪ Turned my whole world upside down ♪
-Nice! -♪ Goodbye, cruel world ♪
♪ Farewell to love ♪
♪ I'm off to join the circus ♪
-Go, go, go, go, go! -♪ Gotta find ♪
♪ A way to hide my tears ♪
♪ Then I'll have them rollin' in the aisle ♪
♪ And I'll forget that woman ♪
♪ If it takes a hundred years ♪
♪ Goodbye, cruel world ♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh, step right up and take a look at a fool ♪
♪ He has got a heart as stubborn as a mule ♪
♪ Come on, everybody, he is good for a laugh ♪
♪ And no one could tell his heart is broken in half ♪
♪ Well, the joke's on me ♪
♪ I'm off to join the circus ♪
♪ Oh, Mr. Barnum, save a place for me ♪
♪ Shoot me out of a cannon, I don't care ♪
♪ Let the people point at me and stare ♪
♪ I'll tell the world that woman ♪
♪ Wherever she may be ♪
♪ That mean, fickle woman ♪
♪ Made a cryin' clown out of me ♪
♪ Goodbye, cruel world ♪
♪ Goodbye, cruel world. ♪
Don't be scared.
Your mom misses Phoenix too much.
Tell them the truth.
And I can't leave.
This is where my work is.
I have to...
That's crazy.
You... you can't ruin everything
because you miss one place
and you're stuck someplace else.
I miss Bennie too much.
So?
We all miss him.
This is a different kind of missing.
Because what?
You love Bennie?
Don't you love Daddy?
Sure she does.
-Of course I love Dad. -And I love Mom.
Then why is this all of a sudden happening?!
Stay together.
You love each other, and you love us,
and we don't want this.
We don't want to have to move back and forth
and not live with both of you.
We can't. Dad, we can't.
You're always so mean to him!
That's why you're getting divorced!
It's because of you!
Don't blame your mom.
This wasn't her idea. It was mine.
-Don't-don't say that. -No, it wasn't.
She just said it was because of Bennie, so stop lying!
Both of you, stop lying!
I'm giving your mom a chance
to go back to, uh, Phoenix to live...
♪ A pretty woman makes her husband look small ♪
♪ And very often causes his downfall ♪
♪ As soon as he marries her, then she starts ♪
♪ To do the things that will break his heart ♪
♪ But if you make an ugly woman your wife... ♪
I don't understand how you can go back
to your beach blanket movie after that.
We're different, I guess.
Is she gonna marry Bennie?
If she wants to, she will.
God, she's the most selfish person in the world.
It must've been hard for her, married to a...
a genius.
Dad worships Mom.
Okay.
But maybe it's hard being worshipped by someone
you know you'll never be as good as
or ever do anything as good as.
She...
She laughs at Bennie's jokes...
...but Dad's always been her best audience.
Come on.
She'll be fine.
She'll tell herself everything happens for a reason.
She'll make excuses like she always does.
You're way more selfish than her.
That's why you're angry at her.
It's because she's scared,
just like you, Sammy.
Out of everyone in this out-of-control,
falling-apart family,
the one who's most like Mitzi is you.
Wait.
Look, before I show this to the whole school,
could you please watch it with me?
♪ He's a soft-spoken guy ♪
♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪
♪ Also seems kinda shy ♪
♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪
♪ Makes me wonder if I ♪
♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪
♪ Should even give him a try ♪
♪ Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang ♪
♪ But then I know he can't shy ♪
♪ He can't shy away forever ♪
♪ And I'm gonna make him mine ♪
♪ If it takes me forever... ♪
Hold your breath!
Here.
Oh, wow.
Did you find Jesus?
In a jewelry store.
♪ If you see me walking down the street ♪
♪ And I start to cry each time we meet ♪
♪ Walk on by ♪
♪ Make believe that you don't see the tears... ♪
Hey, man, look who's here.
Hey! Let's get this party started!
Let the festivities begin.
♪ 'Cause each time I see you... ♪
So, in September, when I move to L.A.,
I'm gonna try and get work in a movie studio.
Thought you were going to college.
Could you...
Would you ever consider coming with me?
I'm going to Texas A&M.
You know that.
Yes, I do.
But I thought...
...maybe you should change your mind, because...
Because what?
-Because I love you. -Ow!
-Sammy! -Oh, sorry!
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
That's not possible.
What?
N-No, it is.
Monica, I love you.
That's impossible. Sammy...
Sam.
We only started dating like...
♪ Walk on by... ♪
Everything was so normal before.
Why are you acting so...
No, because nothing's normal now.
They're getting a divorce.
What are you talking about?
My mom and dad, they're splitting up.
♪ The tears and the sadness you gave me... ♪
Jesus Christ! This is prom!
You can't just blurt something out like that at prom!
Wait.
♪ Don't ♪
♪ Stop... ♪
Monica!
Look, that's-that's got nothing to do with us, okay?
-I'm not... -That's not why I said that I love you.
-I don't know why I... -I'm not gonna change
my whole life and move to Hollywood
because your parents are having marital difficulties.
♪ Walk on by ♪
You can get a refund. I hardly wore it at all.
♪ Foolish pride, that's all that I have... ♪
Are you breaking up with me?
Not at prom, but of course, eventually.
I'm gonna pray on it.
And I'm gonna pray really, really hard for you
because you're such a fun boy to kiss, but...
Thank you. Thank you.
Wonderful. Wonderful.
Let's thank our band for that great music.
Sometimes we just can't fix things, Sam...
...and all we can do is suffer.
Now we're gonna take a little break from the dancing
for a very special moment for the class of 1964.
Um, Mr. Samuel Fabelman, where are you?
Where is he?
Okay.
Bagelman!
Okay, everybody.
Face this way. Grab a chair.
Let's all get close to the screen.
Right up front. Very good.
Mr. Fabelman, this is your big moment.
We're ready to watch your Technicolor masterpiece,
"Ditch Day 1964."
And as they say way down south in Hollywoodland, "lights..."
Uh, "lights, camera, action!"
♪ If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life ♪
♪ Never make a pretty woman your wife ♪
♪ So for my personal point of view ♪
♪ Get an ugly girl to marry you ♪
♪ If you wanna be happy ♪
♪ For the rest of your life ♪
♪ Never make a pretty woman your wife ♪
♪ So for my personal point of view ♪
♪ Get an ugly girl to marry you ♪
♪ A pretty woman makes her husband look small ♪
♪ And very often causes his downfall ♪
♪ As soon as he marries her, then she starts ♪
♪ To do the things ♪
♪ That will break his heart ♪
♪ But if you make an ugly woman your wife ♪
♪ You'll be happy for the rest of your life ♪
♪ An ugly woman cooks meals on time ♪
♪ She'll always give you peace of mind ♪
♪ If you wanna be happy ♪
♪ For the rest of your life ♪
♪ Never make a pretty woman your wife ♪
--♪ So for my personal point of view ♪
♪ Get an ugly girl to marry you ♪
♪ I'll take an ugly one anytime ♪
♪ Don't let your friends say you have no taste ♪
♪ Go ahead and marry anyway ♪
♪ Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match ♪
--♪ Take it from me, she's a better catch ♪
♪ If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life ♪
♪ Never make a pretty woman your wife ♪
♪ So for my personal point of view ♪
♪ Get an ugly girl to marry you ♪
-♪ Say, man ♪ -♪ Hey, baby ♪
♪ I saw your wife the other day... ♪
-Oh, no! -♪ Every limbo boy and girl ♪
♪ All around the limbo world ♪
♪ Gonna do the limbo rock ♪
♪ All around the limbo clock ♪
♪ Jack be limbo, Jack be quick ♪
♪ Jack go under limbo stick ♪
♪ All around the limbo clock ♪
♪ Hey, let's do the limbo rock ♪
♪ Limbo lower now ♪
♪ How low can you go? ♪
♪ First you spread ♪
-Aw. -♪ Your limbo feet ♪
♪ Then you move to limbo beat ♪
♪ Limbo ankle, limbo knee ♪
♪ Bend back like a limbo tree ♪
♪ Jack be limbo, Jack be quick ♪
♪ Jack go under limbo stick ♪
♪ All around the limbo clock ♪
♪ Hey, let's do the limbo rock ♪
♪ La, la, la, la-la, la-la ♪
♪ La, la... ♪
Whoo! Let's go! Come on!
No, no, no, no, no.
Logan, you were so incredible up there.
It was amazing.
Why'd you do that?
What?
Why'd you make me look like that?
-In the film? -Yes, in the film!
Oh, shit! Shit.
What's the matter with you?
I've been a... a total asshole to you.
-I broke your nose, and then... -You didn't break my nose.
-Then you go and make me look like-like that. -You almost--
-You didn't break it. -What's wrong with you?
Logan, all I did was hold the camera, and it saw what it saw.
Oh, bullshit! Fabelman, you made me look like...
like this golden kind of thing.
-Yeah? -And Claudia, she just kissed me.
-Mazel tov. -In front of the whole school.
-Okay, great. -I treat her shittier than I treat you,
-and now she wants to... -You're welcome, man. Jesus...
No, no. Don't... Don't go. Don't go.
I want to know why you did that.
I don't know. I ought to have my head examined.
Am I supposed to feel bad now
about all that shit we did to you?
Do you feel bad about all that shit?
That's none of your goddamn business!
-'Cause you should feel bad about... -Oh, right!
That's why you did it. You want me to feel like crap about...
I wanted you to be nice to me for five minutes!
Or I did it to make my movie better.
I don't know why.
You are the biggest jerk I've ever met in my entire life.
I have a monkey at home that's smarter than you!
You dumb, anti-Semitic asshole!
I made you look like you could fly.
But I can't fly.
I can outrun any guy in Santa Clara County,
and I worked real hard to do that.
But you... you make me feel like I'm some kind of failure
or a phony or... or like I'm supposed to be
some guy I'm never gonna be, not even in my dreams.
You took that guy, whoever he is,
wherever you got him from, and you put him up there
on that screen and told everyone...
everyone that that's me.
And that's not me. That's... It's...
Goddamn it. Goddamn it.
Jesus, it wasn't supposed to make you upset.
I didn't mean to freak you out. I didn't mean...
Who cares what you meant?
Fabelman!
Oh, shit.
You liar! You backstabbing liar!
I'm gonna beat your...
You totally bought it, his whole snow job.
You ate it up. You moron.
Logan, you are so conceited and dumb.
Is something about to happen?
You like living dangerously, Fabelman.
No, I don't. I really, really don't.
Yes, you do.
But you tell anybody about me getting, um...
upset, that would be a mistake.
Our secret.
Okay?
Definitely.
Unless I make a movie about it.
Which I'm never ever gonna do.
You never...
What's it like?
It kind of shows you how out of control everything is
and how y-you're not in charge of anything.
A-And how it doesn't matter.
I better not.
In my head, everything's already out of control.
You're full of shit.
I got to split. Claudia's waiting for me.
Life's nothing like the movies, Fabelman.
Maybe not.
But hey, in the end...
you got the girl.
Must have been some night.
Did Monica like the corsage?
-Yeah. -Well, I told you she would.
That time when I hit you...
In-in Phoenix, when I...
Oh, God. You remember.
Not really.
Oh, for the love of God, it's not like
I spent my whole life hitting you.
Once. I hit you once.
It should've been memorable.
Before the swimming test.
Yes, before the swimming test!
Yes. Well, I-I...
I s-slapped you on your back...
...as hard as I could. I screwed up your tryouts,
and you-you couldn't get your merit badge,
and then you couldn't make Eagle Scout.
-Ma, I made Eagle Scout. -And I...
-It wasn't a big deal. -Well, I left a goddamn mark
on your skin in the sh-shape of my hand.
And I need you to say you forgive me for doing that.
-Well, okay. I forgive you. -Because... Because...
-Because you're my kid. -Mom, I forgive you.
And-and-and my kids mean more to me than...
-Mom, I forgive you. -...anything else on the Earth.
-I forgive you. -Because...
Please, please. Because how am I ever gonna forgive myself?
-I can't. -Mom, I-I-I...
I forgive you.
The eggs are burning.
Oh, God.
I'm doing this thing.
And I-I don't know if it's the right thing,
but it's a life-and-death thing for me.
And I'm sorry, but everybody else
is gonna have to hang on for dear life.
And somehow,
we will survive this, all of us.
Even your father, who I adore with all my heart.
He deserves so much better than what I'm doing, but...
...but Bennie needs me, dolly.
And I need him.
So much so that without him,
I'm turning into someone I don't know
and none of you will know me anymore.
I'll just be that hateful person
who did that terrible thing to your back.
And yes, this is the most selfish thing I have ever done,
but I've got to do this now because, Sammy...
...you do what your heart says you have to,
'cause you don't owe anyone your life.
Not even me.
Oh... Are they ruined?
I-I-I can make some more.
Oh, no, no, no.
I like 'em burnt.
So, Monica dumped me.
She did?
Yeah, after I told her about the divorce.
Huh?
Probably shouldn't have asked her to marry me.
-You did not. -Oh, but...
Oh. You did?
-In so many words. -Poor girl.
Dad?
Hey, Dad, I'm home.
Sammy?
I think I'm having a heart attack.
Come here.
It's a panic attack. Your mother gets them.
-What did you do when she'd get them? -I made her tea.
Okay.
Plus, you're exhausted.
You don't sleep.
I hear you walking around all night
or typing those letters,
and the three hours' drive to the college
-every day and back, it's... -Oh, no, no, no.
I can't go back to that dorm.
Maybe your roommate settled down.
He voted for Goldwater.
I can't go back.
Dad...
I don't know...
what to do anymore.
I don't want to disappoint you,
and I promised that I'd stick it out,
but two years is like forever, and I hate school.
Like, a lot.
And I want to get work on a movie or a TV show,
so I send out all those letters,
but nobody ever writes back.
And my life is just going by so fast,
but it's not getting anywhere.
Concentrate on sipping. It'll calm you down.
Here. Uh...
You can go through the mail while I get the soup hot.
It's from Mom.
It's just a bunch of goofy photos
from some kind of block party.
Dad?
Dad, what's...
Oh, Dad, I didn't mean to...
If you hate school so much, don't go.
But... Dad, we need...
I don't know. I would like you to
because this film thing... I don't know.
Maybe I should have put my foot down about it
years ago, but...
I know you're gonna work like the dickens
on whatever you wind up doing
because you're a chip off the old block.
We're never not going to know each other, Sammy.
How do you know that?
You and Mom don't anymore.
Yes, we do.
We always will.
I know it because...
...we've gone too far in our story
to actually say "the end."
Uh, you missed something in the mail.
Good news?
They've ordered 32 half hours,
Fridays at 8:30 p.m. on CBS, starting September 17th.
We already have six shows in the can.
It's like Stalag 17 or The Great Escape,
-except it's funnier. -Mm.
And it's for television.
-And it's funny. -Yeah.
Or at least I pray to God that it's funny.
Hogan's Heroes-- that's the title.
What do you think?
-Pretty catchy, right? -Catchy. Yeah.
And if all goes well,
I might be able to offer you something next season.
Maybe assisting an assistant to an assistant.
You don't want to be in TV anyway.
Um, your letter said as much.
By the way, I love this letter.
-Oh. -I used to write a whole bunch
of these letters when I was your age.
You want to make movies. Am I right?
Well, yeah. Yes, I do.
But look, I'm just happy to start anywhere,
and-and that doesn't...
You know who you need to meet?
I mean, not for a job, 'cause he doesn't do that.
How would you like to meet
the greatest film director who ever lived?
And he's right across the hall.
Come on.
Wait here a minute.
Um, this is Nona.
Nona's gonna look after you.
Um, he's not here. He's...
-He's at lunch. -Right.
-You want to wait? -Yeah, he'll wait.
Sit.
Good luck.
Could be hours.
All right, kid, you got five minutes.
Probably one. Stand up.
Hey. L-Lose the tie.
You'll stand a better chance.
They tell me you want to be a picture maker.
Um, yes, sir, I do.
Why?
This business, it'll rip you apart.
W-Well...
Mr. Ford, I...
So, what do you know about art, kid?
I-I love your movies so much.
No. Art.
See that painting over there?
Uh, yeah. I mean yes.
Yes, I do see it.
Walk over to it.
Well, what's in it? Describe it.
Oh, okay. Um...
So, there are two guys,
and they're on horseback,
and they're looking for something.
So maybe they're scouting...
No. No.
Where's the horizon?
The-the horizon?
-Where is it? -Yeah, it's at the bottom.
That's right.
Walk over to this painting.
Well?
Right, okay. So, there are five cowboys.
-You know, they could be Indian... -No, no, no, no, no!
Where's the goddamn horizon?
Um, it's-it's there.
-Where? -At the top of the painting.
All right, get over here.
Now, remember this.
When the horizon's at the bottom,
it's interesting.
When the horizon's at the top,
it's interesting.
When the horizon's in the middle,
it's boring as shit.
Now, good luck to you.
And get the fuck out of my office!
Okay.
Thank you.
My pleasure.